04-26-04

The Analogy of the Shoe

Wednesday i have another date with Mr. A. yay! Its nice to meet someone who i can actually stand going out on another date with. The beauty of it is it isn’t confusing. There are no little quarks in his personality to have a girl running or falling. Its just nice. It is refreshing to meet someone who has a bit more fashion sense than the average boy. Dress shirts and ties, yum. It is also refreshing to meet someone who wears that Victoria Secrets fragrance for guys i am so hard up on. yay!

On another note, went to dingbats with mummay last night, had a Purple Haze martini, yum, delicious. Their turtle cheesecake wasn’t that good, but thats ok, their drinks and pasta were.

Driving home in the car i realized something. I realized that my mom was right when she told me there was more, i couldn’t see it when i was sitting in Dirty Town USA, i mean i knew there was more when i dated John, thats why i got out. But i couldn’t comprehend there being more past school. All I knew was how to survive, to get through it because eventually there would be more. I never realized I could have it now. I never realized it would be like this.

At Juniata there was nothing more beyond what was. Each experience mixed with the last in a nauxios mixture of life lessons and hurt. I was the combination of my past experiences, the influences around me and the chains that hold the inhabitants of Dirty Town in the small valley in which it lays. So in the car i realized that i no longer lived from my past life lessons, they hadn’t even occured to me in ages, i am no longer in survival mood. The past pains and grievances i have let go of, put little to no value on those events and the freedom is amazing.

I’m living…. fabulously mind you. I experience new things daily, meet new people, have wonderful drinks at delicious places with delicious people and eat orgasmic food. I own a half dozen pairs of shoes with heels over 3 inches, and these are the only things i will allow to bring me pain anymore, the only things allowed to leave marks. Just like all the other scars and marks, eventually they fade over time. And the best part about it, you notice them, alot when they are there, every step you take hurts and your whole focus is on them, but the beauty of it is you don’t miss them when they are gone. Juniata was the three inch stilletos i never knew i owned, the pain defined me while i wore them but even now the scars are gone.

You just grow up and get the fuck over it.