05-02-10

Potential

“this family manages, we get by. You just don’t know any differently because you think what we have is normal.” -glee, home.

Chris and I were playing tic-tac-toe the other day at JP Mattys. I couldn’t find a move that wouldn’t result in him winning, so I threw the game in a move that stopped us both dead in our tracks, third move in, both of us lost. That’s my style.

I’m afraid to make a move. I hesitate to make a move in the name if happiness this far in because I can’t see five years out. everything lines up, the ball is in my court, all I have to do is step past the edge and hope the cord holds at the bottom.

I keep telling myself: ppl change in five years, why go through it again. But I didn’t, five years, all those lies and deceptions and it never changed me as a person, not for the worse, just my handling of the situation. Not everyone loses heart.

So I wonder, how much am I missing by clinging so desperately to this facade of nomalicity just because it is the most stability I have had in years? What am I missing? What potential will I fall short of? What’s the worse that could happen?