03-21-04

monkeys and barbie

Woke up yesterday with a migraine coming on. Horrid, my perception was like I was tripping, I wanted to puke, everything was much too loud and too bright, and eventually my head started to kill me. Then I could tell everything that was going to happen through the day…including the looming phone call from the devil.

Sure enough he called, not right after work like I had initially thought, but about a half hour after. Right after work he was wondering through La Strada trying to find me. Um…

“hello?”

“hey. What’s up?”

“wow, strange voice from the past, how are you doing?”

“ from the past? Its only been 4 days…” yeah, since you left a message on my voice mail, about a week since we actually talk and um what two, two and a half weeks since I had a chance to spend anytime with you? You blew me off on like four separate occasions before I quit calling you…this is where I should have said something along the lines of…

what the hell do you want.

“ have you heard anything about that job?” …quick, turn the conversation towards something distracting, himself.

“no, they were going to make their decision this Wednesday.”

My head is going to explode why am I talking to you? The rest of the conversation I don’t remember, I was really spaced at the time due to drugs which I was reduced to taking. Something about his friend going to Niagra Falls, how my stuff was going, oh…yeah, and the fact that he had been in La Strada looking for me.

Why the fuck were you at my work looking for me? Don’t fucking come to my work, ever, looking for me. That is very stocker-ish of you at this point in our “relationship.” And allow me to define this relationship…there is none, it doesn’t actually exist and therefore coming to my work to look for me is not romantic or sweet as it might be in any other circumstance but ex-geek-boyfriend-like stocker creepy. PLEASE DON’T FUCKING STOCK THE SHELL, PEOPLE! Seriously, if we had dinner or coffee or lunch in the last week or two it might be acceptable but don’t come to my place of frequency for the sole reason to track me down after long periods of absence, its just unsettling ya’ll.

Absence works in seduction in moderation, which is at what I thought he was about at first. In long periods it allows little girls to get their heads on straight and then your illusion is destroyed. Gone, finito, done. Long periods make little girls wonder what little boys do in long periods and why little boys can abstain from little girls for more than a few days. So when he uses the excuse he’s been working on his computer during the long periods of not talking to him every warning flag goes off in my head, plus a few I borrowed for dramatic emphasis. Wait a minute, I’ve dated you before…twice actually. Back to the stocker thing…

Now between PNC and La Strada lies a piece of glass and only a piece of glass, la strada is on the ground floor of his work, but you still have to go out into the elements to get to our door. Now some might use this see through barrier as the reason he felt comfortable coming over to say hello, but we need to analyze the purpose of said glass. Its there so I don’t have to deal with you. Its like looking at the monkeys in the zoo. If the monkey in the zoo came over the glass you’d freak, same reasoning here. You can walk by a monkey behind a piece of glass at the zoo without acknowledging its existence, but if that same monkey was sitting in your office, you’d have no choice but to notice the monkey.

Now this piece of glass also works against me, everyday devil boy goes to lunch and comes back from lunch and everyday I am standing in that window in heels and a skirt with a big smile on my face. This is what Mattel does to little kids, they wrap Barbie up in a box with a see-through front and you can’t touch Barbie unless you buy her which only increases the desire of Barbie ten fold. Now you can see Barbie, and you want to touch Barbie (in devil guys case he wants to bend Barbie over the hostess station and…well anyway) but you can’t, and to top matters off, Barbie won’t even acknowledge your existence, she just smiles and stares off into space. I wonder what the monkeys think about us at the zoo?

…. 10 minutes after hello…..

“I was just calling to say hi, I should let you go…”

“well, it was good talking to you, keep in touch.”

“ whats wrong?”

“what do you mean? I have a headache, a migraine, other than that nothing.”

“well, alright, bye.” What was wrong was that I was doing everything in my power to keep from asking exactly which drugs the doctors gave him for his personality disorder. God damn devil boy. Get real.