03-29-04

letter to the devil

Dear Mr. Mind Fuck,

Tired of playing your games. Don’t call, don’t write. You have no right to talk to me the way you have. I was offering to make you chicken noodle soup, not to drag your ass throughout the town. AND for your information I DID HEAR YOU SAY you were sick and I DID HEAR YOU SAY YOU shouldn’t have gone to work today. Maybe next time you could be more rude when you talk to me, i know you have it in you to be.

I think you are a fool. I think you have pushed away something wonderful and i think you are a fucking moron for it. I think you are an asshole as well for dragging anybody through your confusion and chaos. Find yourself before you invite anyone to lunch again, know what you want and grow the fuck up.

I know i saw too much in this situation, but i am not going to hate myself for it. I’m allowed to believe in fairy tales and be romantic, anyone in the same situation would have been caught off gaurd too with the way it played out, meeting a stranger under the clock, that weekend, all of it. I don’t regret saying what i did that day either, because there is a difference between love and being in love. I don’t love you, i’m not in love with you anymore either. Maybe i never was, maybe i was caught up in the intruge and infactuation, but i doubt it, for a breif moment when i was in your arms and i looked into your eyes i knew it. I’m just sorry you weren’t strong enough, i’m sorry you are weak, i’m sorry you are not the person i had hoped you to be. I am sorry you are all words, small talk, cheap. I’m sorry i ever made your aquantance and as far as friends go no, i am not your friend,i won’t be your friend. All of my friends are strong, independent, brilliant, caring individuals. I’m sorry you were too caught up in the past. I’m sorry i didn’t walk away a month ago. But atleast i am learning quicker this time.