06-24-04

heartache and a blister

getting over the guys, its not them that i feel bad about but the potential “us.” this is really pathetic but oh well… my heartache doesn’t stem from dropping the losers, but from the possiblity of never having someone there, the possiblity of living and dying a lonely bitter shrew. This can be summed up exactly in my conversation with Frank and Holly from this weekend…

“Frank, i am having a mid-life crisis.”

“aren’t you a bit young for that?”

“well, maybe”

“a young life crisis then?”

“meh whatever, all i know is this…i have a place, a nine-to-five, that’s it, thats what i was working on for all those years, now what? whats left? whats next?”

he looks at me….

“i’ll tell you whats next… friggin getting married and babies for christ sake. NO. That will not be me. I am freaking out. Bitter.”

After that we passed five weddings on the way to ohiopyle AND had a wedding themed game of Scrabble at the camp site that night with a twelve year old who insisted on throwing himself off the bench for shits and giggles.

I will not turn into one of those things that walk around with the shoes and the hair and the eyes and the boobs and shake their asses and lure guys into their evil lares in desperate attempts to trick them into marrying them.

And how will i not allow this society, hell bent on brainwashing the masses into pairs like some warpped rendition of Noah’s ark, to sway my mindset? By keeping myself busy of course…Volunteering, working out, traveling and staying as far away from beauty magazines as possible.

Oh, and my mom, aunt and grandmother…yes ladies and gentlemen, they don’t joke when you see people’s parents pestering them in the movies, and ITS NOT FUNNY. And then my mother and father are both pestering me to “date well”…or nobody below a BMW owning, suit wearing, christian professional socialite. They dangle the losers i use to date infront of me and say “see? your taste is better than this now, its matured…” They are right, its matured, but not just beyond losers- beyond men in general. I don’t care how good you look in a suit, you are an asshole, and i am tired of assholes. And i am tired of dating, and I AM TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD A FRIGGIN MARTINI! I am going to the bar tonight.