03-15-04

Fear Drives Away Sanity

Opps. Took the weekend to shift my paradigms, saturday i mourned the devil, got a migraine, a phone call and today i am back to my old ways. Silly devil, tricks are for kids. So lets analyze the situation in a more stable light.

He is not Mr Perfect, in fact he is Mr. Wait-I-Know-I’ve-Dated-You-Before. And as of an hour ago he was Mr. I’ve-got-the-upper-hand. That was of course up until i gave the preformance of a life time, probably the best phone sex to pass over the verizon/sprint digi airwaves. Friends, you will be proud of me, i’ve even managed to incorporate a few new words into my vocabulary…words like fuck (v.) and cock (the un-rooster). I know i would have turned red if i were a fly on the wall.

But I realized I had created a monster when at the end of the conversation he asked what if he hung up on me and never called again. I realized I didn’t care, I could walk away and not look back, thereby redistributing the power into my court. And it was the truth, now don’t ask me what to make of this bi-polar L-word dropping, I haven’t the foggiest. But the main focus is the fact that if he didn’t call, i wouldn’t care. I think taking the saturday to mourn all the potential-”ifs”-that-would-never-be has definetly helped out in the long run. I see the situation in a much clearer light, i see the way he views the situation and despite his games and his swearing otherwise he still sees it through the eye of only one head.

So now here I am, not having any motives in this game (no longer a relationship), and not having anything to lose. Poor boy doesn’t stand a chance. And i like when things end with a list of what you have learned instead of a hollywood moment. Its so much better on the spirit.

what i have learned:

*boys in suits are still just that, boys in suits no matter what age, but suits are incredible turn ons and just imagine the possiblities…

*9-5 jobs are not so bad, owning houses are not so bad and networking is not at all bad but very very good.

* His pick up was intense and shall be copied in the future (refer to number one, the streets are lined with suits, and that my love is better or equivelant to being lined with gold)

* behold the power of the bedroom voice

* and the power of the eyes

* and the power of heels

* and the power of power

* and the incredible intoxicating effect of little girls who are never as little as they seem

* and the power of phone sex, self sex, mutual masturbation and any other sexual act that is so often overlooked in the name of intercourse, for all these things in the void of actual sex create a magical effect, a cord of ever building tension one can later use to lead a person around on…just like a little chain.

….