02-10-06

Going Insane

38 weeks…1 day. I’ve been having icky contractions for about a week or two, the kind where you feel like everthing is crampy and falling out and your stomach is hard and you can’t breathe and SEE! This is what i get for allowing them to stop it at 34 weeks (Oh yeah… nice trip to the hospital @ 34 weeks with contractions between 3 to 4 minutes apart. The nurse said we were doing better than the lady down the hall, but they had to stop them since we were in preterm still). Now I am never going to have her. She’s like me, all bull headed and such. If this stuff doesn’t do something soon I will cry. And if someone tells me I am carrying high again I will cry. And if my back doesn’t either quit hurting our help me drop this kid in the next few days I will cry.

On a lighter note, the baby’s head is “right there” and the other doctor scheduled another appointment for next week but she “doubts she will see me then.” I am hanging on to these two things in hope.

01-02-06

fear.

david knows a lot of really young people, who he has met through relatively younger people. Where as it might be ok for the relatively younger people to know the really younger people, and for david aged people to know the relatively younger people, it might not be so good for a david aged person to be friends with the really younger people. For instance, last night we had the privileged of a not so legal girl as our guest.

She was sitting on our sofa talking about her week. After she ran through almost every illegal drug and the event surrounding it, the talk turns to Solaris. “I can’t wait for you to have her so I can come babysit.” Umm…what? Smile and nod, smile and nod. Only if you promise to be rolling dear…

Paulina comes to visit in 4 days. I am designed out, having been designing for the last two weeks straight. My mind is fried, it needs a break, too bad these proofs are due in 48 hours. C’est la vive.

12-17-05

Version 3.0

I find myself reading about waffle irons and reality sets in, things have changed. I’ve traded in the city for barefoot and pregnant in florida (barefoot because who really sleeps in shoes? and that is all I did, sleep) and now I watch the contracts and awards coming in and realize I am trading barefoot and pregnant in for supermom. Oh god, supermom. Breastfeeding, homeschooling, design award winning, contract negotiating, housekeeping, husband petting, supermom. I wonder if I can bring my computer with me and keep designing through labor?

Last night I was holding 2 month old Kia and realized that all that didn’t mean very much when all that matters in life was the moment of holding the tiny sleeping santa in my lap while my tiny not-so-sleeping Solaris kicked at him through my belly. He slept through all the chaos as his little arm bounced with the kicks and the Albury christmas party raged on around us. Supermom is fine as long as I don’t miss these moments.

11-29-05

OT TMI DD… GAFL

Pulled into a mommy-to-be board for a moment looking for any sign of life in Vero other than the obscene death industry (Mommy clubs and such). Fell into an even bigger nightmare.

OMG between the abbreviations and the random “How many pieces of toilet paper should I use? What are you using?” posts, my head is spinning. Seriously…it doesn’t matter how old people are when they are having babies, which baby it is or how big your fucking belly is. I don’t care if you name it Jesse or Matt. Just pick one! If you seriously have to poll a group of random women about this crap just to sooth your nerves then good bless you, you have a hell of a ride coming ahead of you.

All this crap pisses me off A.) because I am sick of being bombarded by bullshit advertisements, B.) I am sick of paying for bullshit “medical advice”, and C.) I am sick of everyone else just readily accepting them. I look forward to navigating my child through the endless maze of zombified, mindless, (and sadly) soulless human beings brainwashed by the oh holy corporate whore goddess. I just wish more people would wake up and realize that it doesn’t take a million dollars to raise a baby, it just takes a spine.

And no, when they say “it takes a village to raise a child,” they do not mean a virtual village. Pull your ass away from the computer, go sit in a quiet corner and listen to your fucking body, it will tell you a hell of alot more than a message board.

And in other news…
Marley died last week, poor fish. According to laur this will not reflect on my parenting skills because unlike fish, children don’t die when the roll around on the carpet.
Went to Houston for Thanksgiving.
Bought our very first christmas tree together yesterday, found out why a tree with a curved trunk is not the most intellegent of ideas (as it sits ghetto rigged with hemp and thread spindles in the corner)
Had my Gestational Diabetes screening today, and passed… ???
Now i am sitting here, drinking milk, watching some CSI being icky miserable. I am trying to get unhorney, because it is hard to stay horney when you are watching CSI, but it is hard to be unhorney when you are pregnant. But for David’s hmmm hmm and my wrists’ sake, I hope it works.

11-06-05

David and Shell!

Finally, a picture of David and me…pre-baby at EarthDay BirthDay 2005 (back in May, no he is not listening to my belly.)

11-05-05

Maternity Shopping

Went maternity shopping with grandma-to-be albury. It was interesting, particulary the dressing room part where you see yourself naked in the full length mirrors in all the florescent glory of the shop lights. See, this can be challenging when you are not pregnant, but now I juat feel fat. Did you know you gain weight in your back? My ass completely dissappeared, i knew where i left it, but when i came back, there was nothing there. Huge boobs, huge belly and i’ve never felt more conflicted in a while… slightly depressed over how frumy i look and yet grumpy that i feel that way, with such a blessing as the little SunBerry (Solaris Albury, get it?). Fuck it, i feel ugly. I miss my boy-ish figure. I hope to god it comes back.

10-28-05

Boogity Boogity Boo

David and I went to Mathious and Julies yesterday. They invited us over for dinner. It was fabulous, we craved pumpkins. Mathious and Julie were virgins… yay virgins! Its more fun with a virgin. Ahem

10-23-05

Looks like we’re going to get wet

Smiling to myself secretly when the news meantions lake okeechobee, hurricane warnings and the keys, but not vero! And not realizing that okeechobee is only about 60 miles SW of us…which would leave us either in the eye’s path, or worse, on the northern side of the eye wall (which is worse than the eye, you get all the winds)…i realized my mistake.

We went to skipper’s house to pick up a footlocker for the baby stuff (which is the most sacred things I own at the moment, followed by the computer and a bunch of paintings and canvases) it was odd to see a good deal of the town boarded and shuttered up.

David taped up the windows in the condo and we moved anything sacred into the guest bathroom, which next to ours is the only other room in the house not on an outside wall with a window. Solaris helped in her usual way…by kicking me.

And so it is my luck…Sitting here with my jaw in shambles, my first hurricane coming, and pregnant, it will make for an interesting story to tell Solaris, 13 years down the road when i give her the “I gave you life, I can take it away” speech. Its not as terrible as it sounds however, so i realize that i am still as strong as I have been.

10-22-05

Wilma…

Oh pooh. Looks like Wilma is headed this way after all. :( Because the condo’s so close to the Ocean, we will be evacuated, even though it is coming from behind us. (vero is on the atlantic coastline). David and I are running down to Fort Pierce on Sunday to stock up on…fish. I don’t know. He is going to tape up the windows, throw everything valuable in the shower(The TV and…)…ok, throw the TV in the shower, pack up the computer, the shell, the solaris (already neatly packaged) and the fish named marley and head over to Mia’s house for a fish (NOT marley)and chips party (chips being chips of asphalt roofing tiles of all the people who didn’t get new rooves after last years storm… and a few who did.) Sigh, so close to making it through the season unscathed. But atleast it is cool enough now that it won’t be too bad having no power for a few days. Crap, candels. I forgot to get candels.

Beth came over last night, bearing a big bag of osh-kosh for Solaris. I can’t believe her and Sal. They bought a bunch of pink outfits for her. I can’t wait for her to be here now. There is too much cute things waiting for her (…to poop on). :) FLUFFY BUNNY SLIPPERS!

10-20-05

:(

Pregnancy, yay. I like pregnancy, except for the things it does to your body and the limitations it causes on treating those things. For example, today, I got my tooth pulled. Well, it is more like I got my tooth “surgically removed.” My tooth was the demon tooth, it hated life. It wanted to make me miserable, and it didn’t want to die. But the dentist had other ideas. So he yanked and chipped and sawed the tooth until it was in bitty pieces on a tray. The dentist won, he also doubled his fee from a 125 extraction to a 300 surgical proceedure. Now I am a hillbilly with a missing tooth. There is an identity that will need some getting use to. But atleast it is in the back and the devil tooth is no more. Hopefully we made an example out of it and none of the other teeth will try anything stupid. And so with a big hole in my head do i get the fun stuff like oxycotin or vikes? nope, i get tylenol and no loosy t-shirt. I told the doctor it was my baby and she will probably love oxycotin, because she has been doing nothing but craving beer, sushi and raw meat since day one, but like the beer, sushi and raw meat, she will get none.

And then there is a hurricane heading this way… or so the american news channels want you to believe. I am not worried until the track map shows her actually making that big, giant “U”. I think it is all hype, but ask me again on monday when I am surfing down A1A. David was planning on how to board up the house today, which made me a bit nervous. I won’t worry too much. But that is the problem with a house this close to the beach.

Speaking of surfing main streets, i spoke with nina in Taunton, Mass. She got evacuated and was sitting in a Holiday Inn last we spoke. She’ll be ok.

Love and such from the land of babies, novacaine and hurricanes.

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