03-11-04

awww, flower for joe?

I took Joe a flower today, not GM Joe but the joe in my building. I love daffodils, next to terracota roses they are my favorite flowers, tied with lilacs, both symbolize spring is coming. Both smell so good. Suppose to meet clinton tonight to learn the public transit system. So tired, not sure i will be able too.

I told the devil boy i was in love with him yesterday…then i hung up before he could get a word out in response. That was probably a mistake, the in love part, not the hanging up part, that was just childish but i don’t know what to do. I prayed for a sign, devil boy mentioned something about deciding if i wanted to talk to him in three days, aaron told me to take three days as well. So three days is the sign and so i will listen. I will call devil boy on monday night, then i can find out about his interview as well. Hopefully i can get my head on straight and quit being so naive and ridiculous. And scared, quit being so damn scared. I am eternally the five year old.

I just honestly don’t know what to do with the whole situation. He wants to take it slow and let things develope…i can’t. I am super afraid of things developing, like real relationships noooo. I don’t like real relationships, they make me itchy, uncomfortable, scared. I like hurricane relationships, ones that last 6 months, ones that sting when they are over, make you think your heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces, but you end up finding it a couple months later misplaced under a rug or behind the stove somewhere. I cried last night when we were cuddled up on my bed, i realized i was in love with him and just lost it. Oh god, why am i so afraid. He is like “just go with it” but how can i jump into something like this feet first on just blind faith. No no no, i was suppose to be getting over him in these three days not getting over my issues. maybe he will get over me and i wont have to worry too much. how easy would that be like…”look he doesn’t like you, he thinks you’re a neurotic little girl, get over it.”

I’ve decided i want to become the PR/Marketing person for La Strada. Natalia and i were talking about the marketing campaign today and she said she just doesn’t have time to go out around town making connections like she did when they first opened and i was like, hmmmm. I could do that…on mondays, when i have nothing else to do. so i think i am going to get my footing there alittle more, talk to Todd and then finally mention it to him in passing in a month or so. Maybe sooner if La Strada is still really dead in the evenings. yesterday they only had 24 people for dinner, today we had about 114 for lunch, made 40 bucks in tips. NIIIIICE.

Lunch tomorrow with the boss at my internship. i could do friday internships and monday La Strada promotions once this semester is over at the end of the month. That would work nicely. Need to pick up a book on marketing, get a stronger base for it. Maybe i will head over to Barnes and nobles before class today, i should leave soon. Ok. To B&N i go.