06-24-10

I have to admit…

I wasn’t entirely sold on Atlanta when I first moved here. A bit before, I was. And then I landed here and everything wanted me to work for AT&T and it seemed like the only thing in Atlanta were Telcos and Medical. Chain restaurants and mainstream clothing shops. I was NOT happy.

But as I am starting to clear up the debris from my long neglected social profiles (major life changes take a toll on your twitter libido)…I started stretching my legs and seeing what was really around. Little geek conferences, jobs at the smaller organizations where I’d like to be, nature, art. You have to be somewhere for a while in order to start peeling back the layers of corporate marketing: dry and dirty, they cover everything and are everywhere because they have the most money to throw around to be everywhere. Peel those layers back and the culture, rich and juicy lies below.

I still have yet to find a vintage clothing shop to love. But on the flip side, there is a huge underground culture of indi designers in the area. I love vintage, but maybe I can reserve my vintage raids for when I got to see the babies or my mom. Things are looking up.

06-18-10

Marketing Manifesto

Why am I here? Right here, 9 years into this good forsaken industry, sitting at this keyboard with my head spinning from an identity crisis. I hate marketing. Why am I pursuing it…still? Because really, I don’t hate it. I hate what you make it. Yes, you…crazed marketers whose interests ebb and flow like Sybil’s personalities. Here is why I hate you:

1. Methodologies

You ignore instinct. Instead of feeling and thought, you turn things into buzzwords and qualitative data. You turn people into numbers and lives into “human interest messaging”. You roll out bullshit theories to make a name for yourself when really, you discovered nothing but how to throw more salt into the pot. Take “software development methodologies” for an example. If you have to remind yourself of people over process and that it’s ok to go with the fluidity of life instead of sticking to a plan, if you have to approach a humanistic mindset from a scientific one: you’re an utter fucking moron and I am not entirely sure you should be working with people in general. You will never engage your audience until you bring yourself down from your pedestal long enough to eat at the same dinner table. Chicken or a pig? Really? My two year old doesn’t even need a metaphor to figure that one out. We lend out our reputation for “involvement” from time to time, but in reality we are all only capable of being invested in ourselves.

2. Social Networking

You trample anything of value, pick up it’s mangled remains and create something trite and nauseating from it. Yes, I’m talking social networking. Twitter, Facebook…you’re doing it wrong. What once had the potential for you, as a company to listen to your customers, take their feedback and to grow and adapt with them, for them, as one…now there is nothing. Do your friends talk non-stop about themselves all day? Would you still be their friends if they did? Are you just listening to them b/c there is something you need in return? Take that feeling and apply it to your twitter and your FB. Who really wants to be friends with your company if all it does it talk about itself all day. STFU dude and get your head out of your ass. It works for big, established brands b/c their friends are narcissists and use their brand to define their own identity amongst their friends. Little known brand? Chances are if you talk about yourself no one is going to give a shit until a bigger brand tells them too. Rack up ‘em numbers but unless you are leveraging the medium to actually connect and grow from your customer’s wants and needs, unless you are actually LISTENING instead of doing all the talking, unless you are using your talking to get your customers to talk more about themselves, YOU ARE FAILING.

3. Customer Service

Don’t even get me started on GetSatisfaction.com. NOTHING is more unsatisfying than going to a site and seeing all of your other unhappy customers. Nothing is going to make me walk away from your company faster. Nothing says “we value our customers so much…” like outsourced customer service. QUIT FOLLOWING the rest of the sheep and start leading with your mind.

4. Cause marketing: just because everyone else is doing it.You know who you are. We don’t have to tell you we see through your bullshit.

5. Cultural marketing. I’ve never had so many issues with a concept in all of my life. This is job security, if you are not creative enough to find the universals in your product, the messaging and value that resonates amongst the cultures then you are not trying hard enough. Technology is bringing us together, closer and closer, smashing cultural lines to bits, negating the effects of the tower of babble and all you are doing, in your round-a-bout way is slapping a new, shiny buzzword on elements of segregation and patting yourself on the back. “Hispanic marketing” puts the same distaste in my mouth that the “african american” book self at Barnes and Nobles does, and nobody is saying a word about it. It’s not segregation when money can be made off of it? What would have happened if charter schools came around before Brown vs. the Board? If we were able to monetize segregation back in the fifties would things have ever changed? It is a scary thought. Why not reach this target through other niches? Certaintly there are Hispanic mothers who  have the same concerns as the mommy market, hispanic tweens? We are all perfectly capable of finding a romance book, regardless of what genre of romance amongst the books on the same shelf, or shampoo amongst the other hair care products (why not a shelf for the brunette/blonde/red head only products? Even mens’ products end up mixed in.)  We all have the same hierarchy of needs according to Maslow, we all boil down to very similar human beings regardless.

Conclusion

We are all narcissists, we all run out mouths too much. To become the best at what we do, we need to shut the hell up and listen. Get out of your head: you aren’t as cool as you think and you can learn something from everyone around you: that little high school intern to the homeless man on the street. They can teach you more about marketing than any MBA program or gazillion-book-selling bald-headed mega-author could, all you have to do is swallow your pride and get down to the business of being a human.

That is my rant and I am sticking too it.

06-17-10

S: I need to do a blog on my gender issues

I found the world’s perfect job todaaaaaay. It involves a wedding media. Like a “The Knot” sort of thing. Because nothing, ever, will give me that “let’s go out and get them” attitude at six in the morning like facing my past relationship failures…day after day after day. Let’s rack ‘em up, shall we?

1. Proposed to four times,
2. Engaged twice
3. And even “fake married” once except there would never be a license. I begged, I cried, he never caved, and low and behold at the end it turned out for the semi-best: no divorce paperwork. Yay.

So yes: let’s go work, Mad Shell, around happy fun-loving bridey types ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. And the irony of it is that in a few years, you’ll pop out a few kids and then no one will care. You’ve got a rock, some wee ones and a dust rag and no one’s really going to notice you until those years divisible by 5…one day, every five years. See, I’m not so sure I want to pump about $45k into society for a few hours at a country club to seal the deal on oblivion. I’m still just not that sure.

The other thing which irked me is they referred to something in their ad as “girly.” No, “VERY girly” (capitalization maintained from original). Which brings me to the next issue: I hate being a female.

C: How goes it?

S: Good.

C: How flows it?

S: STFU.

Chris and I went to the store yesterday for some girl things. We found the isle marked “feminine products” and while I was going over the following rant in my head, he asks me where the masculine products were, which basically negates any doubt  of congruency.

Why, as society, are we really so dumb? (she raises her hand, fingers together as though grasping the intangible as she stares off into the distance in this profound moment)

That question was sponsored by Kotex, and their ridiculous foo-foo frilly packaging. What is “feminine” and why does it have to be pink and swirly and why the fuck are all the women so damn happy on the front of the package of the generic Publix brand. “We’re all on the rag, let’s go shopping and be happy together. We’ll all wear pastels and go shopping! w00t!”

06-09-10

Ice Bath

D: Here Solaris, someone is on the phone who wants to talk to you.
Sol: Who is it?
D: Here.
Sol: Hello?
Shell: Hi Solaris, How are you?
Sol: Hi. (to D) Who is this?

06-09-10

New Site! Yay!

Now on to design one for C.W., who so graciously helped me with mine.

06-08-10

Guest Garden: Dr. MeowMix

My eternal lust for all things Dr. MeowMix will forever live on, spurred on by the delicious photographs of hers. Please go to her blog over there —–> here. I had to stop myself from wanting to post all of them.

P.S. I have a few other guest gardener’s who have shared their photos with me. I hope to get to them in the next week or so (now that my portfolio is almost DONE! Yay!). Meanwhile send me a link or pics of yours so we can all droll over garden fodder: shellgreenier_at_yahoo.com

06-08-10

Admire the shat.

Chris (on original site): I thought you said it was going to be Star Trek-y? Where’s the ship?

So I give him William FREAKIN’ Shatner, complete autography and all. And am I appreciated? Does he show his gratitude? Of course not. NO. Silly boys. Maybe he is just angry that he got rick roll’d by me today…and not just in a “hey, check out this video” sort of way. In a brilliant!!1!-never-before-seen-in-the-world sort of way. He is very wrathful now. He is plotting his revenge. So wrathful he cannot even ADMIRE THE SHAT. :(

06-05-10

Atlanta Art Day

We finally had a chance to meander through the halls of the High Museum today, which left me sore and in need of a hip replacement

06-04-10

Sneak Peak: Shellgreenier.com!

My portfolio site is coming along…slowly. Oh god, so slowly. It is killing me. I should be back to work instead of blogging, but it is of no use. 3 pages down, 2 more to go.

06-04-10

Pic of the Day: Figs in the Atlanta Garden!

I know, one day I will need to cut the tags off of these guys, but I’m procrastinating until I find a new journal or book to throw them all in. Brown turkey fig…I’ve been waiting for one for ages. I have my eye on a pair of kiwis as well, but those will have to wait I suppose.

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