11-23-08

Laura Wing is the COOLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!

L contacted me right around the time I took on the TreasureCoastMoms adventure and was all like “You’re freaking amazing” and I was all like “Effin right I am!” (ok, so I was more like eight shades fo red, flabber gasted and really, really honored…right after I realized her email wasn’t spam trying to sell me viagra. I’m in a lot of denial about my apparent awesomeness.) What makes her even MORE cool is that she put up with my crap for a couple months until I was able to get her all the information she needed (you guys remember…the hollow silence between blog posts and me going “OMG, nervous breakdown” it was during that time).

Without further ado…here it is: complete with pictures-of-awesomeness from my dear friend L.gravell. Ta-da! Click to read. I’m way to nervous to watch the videos yet. I started one and was all like “OMG” and stopped it. Sigh. Such a spaz. I will watch it, I promise.

11-22-08

Poor Slob, Poor Slob Without a Name

The dog was bequeathed to us by our neighbors when they decided to screw our landlord and us in the process (our landlord hates us now b/c D “referred” them, personally his ex GF moving in next door was less than exciting to me.). He was called Louie once. It doesn’t really fit him. We were thinking Linux, but that didn’t stick. We call him Lu, I joke it is short for Lucifer. We’ve washed him three days ago and he smells like dog again, a smell that makes me gag.

11-22-08

To Wong Fu, With Love

Sometimes my mind and body seem to separate, so the idea of self becomes thought and the mirror becomes foreign. I blame Ana for that. Sometimes the camera helps bring the two back together again. Sometimes it doesn’t.

S: I always feel like a transvestite in make up.

11-22-08

BPA is Nommy Mommy!

1. Eco-Friendly Play Kitchen Set, (recycled from old milk cartons) 2. fruit bowl, 3. pink kitchen, 4. “Who Will Lead Us Now?”

Somewhere along the lines I think my connections got crossed and now my childhood Christmas memories involve coming down to find the tree in the morning surrounded by mountains of presents. I know, logically, it’s not the case. I am switching some random marketing photo with my own tree and I can’t fogure out why. Regardless, I am having this terrible inner turmoil when it comes to planning for IsaLuna and Solaris’ Christmas presents.

The not-so-logical parent would like to spoil them, buy them the huge fake kitchen and eight sets of fake plastic foods so they can have a full fledged working kitchen. (yum, BPA tastes like chicken!) I think this is the same psycho that actually considers spending $500 on a nursery set. I try not to listen to her.

The logical parent side freaks at the idea of all that plastic crap and force feeding scenery to them when their imaginations need working. She also freaks out at the thought of Christmases past which shows they received way too many things and half of them they didn’t play with.

So maybe this year I don’t feel so bad about spending $40 on the Recycled Kitchen Play Set, $20 on felt for mom and I to set out creating some toy food while she is here and $20 each on an individual present. Not sure what to get Iz yet, but Solaris is getting a kids camera so she stays away from mine, which I just found in the bottom of a laundry basket. Then have mom make some of her awesome cupcakes and dad, his cookies for their stockings.

So $100 on two kids gifts. I can be ok with this, they don’t need a lot of presents and they more open to interpretation it allows them to be the better. Then why do I feel so guilty about not giving them a huge Christmas?

11-21-08

All I Can do is Click Stumble.

Hate being sick. Kids are @ Mimi’s and D is in West Palm for a regatta.

PS. This is not a picture of me. I know it resonates familiarity, but it’s not me.

11-21-08

Problem Solved

So what they don’t tell you when you are picking out nursery colors and baby quilts is that one day in the not to distant future, your two year old will become smarter than you.

Today is that day.

Butter Honey?” Sola asks (for her normal lunch: peanut butter and honey sandwich).

“In a minute, we have to wait for the bread to dethaw, I just took it out of the freezer. See, cold.”

“Put it in there” she tells me, pointing to the toaster.

My jaw hits the floor. In our no microwave (by choice) household, it was the perfect answer. I call D on Skype and find out if he showed her this before. “Why didn’t I think of that?” he asks.

One day, your two year old will be smarter than you are.

11-20-08

Happy Birthday…Old

Ok, so my B-day is approaching…at a creeping crawly rate, it’s not so much the date as the aching pain in my knees as I joyfully bound up the stairs…and down the stairs…and up the stairs that reminds me that thirty is around the bend. I’m on this side of the 5, which is official “round up” territory according to elementary mathematics. Anyway, as my birthday approaches I’m beginning to think of all the things I want to accomplish in my life… by the time the big three oh makes it here.

Let’s role with a list (and this may be fever induced, since I am sitting here sick…which is probably the only reason I am able to update the Madness).

1. Finish learning how to juggle
2. Learn how to contact juggle
3. Learn to walk on stilts
4. Write a book (and not one of those crappy ass memoirs that has to go through a subsidy pub to hit the streets, a non-fiction reference book on a subject flowing through my brain)
5. Learn aerial silks…and build the flexibility and strength to actually perform it without breaking my neck
6. Learn to clown
7. Start a sustainable farm/artist colony
8. Play the viola again
9. Learn to play the guitar
10. Get my Master Gardener Certification
11. Become an Anima Apprentice or at least gain the knowledge you would have at the end of training (minus the exuberant cost)
12. Learn to use my airbrush that has been sitting silently for three years, preferably on body art.
13. Explore my exhibitionist tendencies, savor my voyeuristic ones.
14. Meet Anthony Bordain and not hump his leg…I mean, compare notes.
15. Buy really expensive costumes for the hell of it, maybe learn some burlesque.
16. Become a bigger internet celeb than I already am!!! P.S. We were just featured on Capessa, I will link to it in another article, rock!
17. Finally figure out a way to combine my installation and performance artwork ideas and make some bank.
18. Try that really smelly fruit that they always make the poor travel channel hosts eat on their shows, what the hell is it’s name again?
19. Totes become a locavore (yay! Oysters!)
20. Take a physics class (and pass, hopefully)
21. Take the mensa test, just out of curiosity…not that my idea of fun involves sitting around playing scrabble and comparing metal abilities in phallic-esque Olympic pursuits.

So that is my list, things I want to accomplish in my next four years. In essence, less corpro-addict, more art. Fingers crossed.

11-14-08

This Has Nothing to do With the Eighties

Walking through Target the other day on a harrowing hunt for non-felt based elf costumes, I wondered down the tights section. Boy did I regret it. There they were, right in front of me: the two most gorgeous pair of shiny metallic tights EVA! One in gold, the other pair in silver. Sweeping them up into my long awaiting arms I began to bounce around and giggle, shouting for my D to come see the goodies the big red hath bestowed upon us. He tried to remove them from my arms, but finding it futile, amputated my arms and we quickly walked away.

Later, I was bored. I ran through surf the channel to see if there were any new episodes of my favorites I had missed (ps. what’s with Bone’s where chick was all like “oh yeah, I was all lesbian for like the week between episodes, but you blinked and missed that). So i decided to click on the ad for the new 90210 show. Vomit. Cross between OC and …um…something else equally vile, I began having flash backs to my Beverly Hills 90210 of youth…so I went a searching only to fall upon an archive of all the BevH 90210 you could ever want. It was like a Wonka Factory full of 80′s goodness: from the hairstyles to the clothing you walk by during your Goodwill Raids. I was really excited for two whole episodes and then couldn’t take another moment of teenage angst and shoulder pads, I fell asleep.

But, like the title says: This Has Nothing to do With the Eighties. Instead, it has everything to do with some of the greatest journalism I have yet to stumble on. It may just be my over exposure to Treasure Coast Journalism talking, but searching the web for party ideas, I came across an article on the Cloverfield movie that excited me.

Two things that kind of made me say “hmmm?” about the whole thing. 1. Cloverfield. 2. It was on the MTV site. It was full of meaty words and definitely not written to cater to the 5th grade mentality like most articles these days (THANK YOU USATODAY!). It was delectable, delicious and lush. It was stunning and made you feel like you were eating cheesecake.

“Who wrote this” she thinks to herself, I should read more of their work…Kurt effin’ Loder! Like THE “This is Kurt Loder with MTV News” creepy old guy from my youth. Sigh. It all caught up to me around then: the eighties were everywhere and I couldn’t escape it. Then I started thinking: what would things like “rad” and “righteous”, “cowabunga” and “eat my shorts” translate to in Lol and txt?

It was all too much, my sanity waning…I’m gonna go get a bad perm now. TTYL! Bye.

11-06-08

Crackberry Shortcake

I’m like working all the time. It was ok at first, I just hoped it would calm down a bit, but like the phone…it’s always ringing, it’s always ringing when I am on it, so even just stepping out a few hours to run grocery shopping is getting out of control. I’m in the meat section fighting with D about cutting down on meat, getting Solaris to not touch the tripe and trying to coordinate weekend events. Then I feel guilty because I’m getting “you are impossible to get a hold of” and clients need immediate answers and something else needs done by a due date. So, like, I guess what I need to know is…if I just take an afternoon off once or twice a week so I’m not technically drinking on the clock, would you mind?

P.S. Crackberry Swag Ripped from Here.

11-02-08

In the “This is the Way My Life Goes” Category…

I spent the day getting screamed at by the girls… as they do when their father is not home. All day. He decided to go sailing in Melbourne. So that sucked. And just as I was about to lose my mind, I checked my work email, first time all week. And there it was…the straw that broke my back (I am a camel).

My press credentials for the Jimmy Buffet/Obama Concert in Tampa came through. It was 5:30 when I checked, the concert was at 3. I am in so desperate a need of a vacation I can barely stand it.

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