05-10-04

hollywood moment

Standing at work today, watching people as always, a man carrying a large bouquet comes to the outside door and peers in, he has trouble with the door, the large pink package being an inconvience. I watch him, secretly wishing someone would bring me flowers, pairing him up with one of the usual dark hair, dark eye girls, make up and dressed to the nines in whatever is of fashion at the time. Nails, jewlery, tan.

He makes it into the foyer then smiles at me, motions for me to help him with the glass doors between the foyer and the restaurant. I smile, saunter over to the door and open it for him, he steps back. A business man in a rush, dropping off flowers for a date for later perhaps. I love plotting surprises for people, its the best part of my job.

“Hi, we met at starbucks a few days ago, but you were constantly on the phone and i didn’t get an oppurtunity to say hello.” My breath catches in my throat. Was this for real? “I bought these for you and was hoping if you didn’t have anybody who would mind, if maybe i could take you out to dinner?”

I smile, abit dumbfounded and nod. “I would love to,” mind processing next step… “here come in let me give you my number.” He steps inside, GM Joe, who had been at the hostess station is no longer there. I pull a piece of paper out and write down my number.

“Thank you, I am catching a plane to california in a few hours but we can plan something for when i get back. I am in sales/marketing.”

“I’m Michelle. Its nice to meet you. Oh my gosh, you made my day. Thank you so much.”

“I’m Muhanna. I’m from Jordan.” He writes his name down so i can see how you spell it after my failed attempt at pronouncing it. “he he, I am shaking so bad, sorry,” he comments as he tries to tame his hand to writing an “H”. I smile. “So, i will give you a call when i get back and we can go out to dinner.”

Oh my god. Someone just did a hollywood moment for me. I think i am going to melt. I still can’t process it and i still can’t breathe. Yay!

05-10-04

silly boy tricks

went out with the crazy artist boy yesterday, had the old “what are we?” conversation and i was ready to jump out of the car. It had an odd feel to it, more along the lines of “you never want to kiss me.”

Drunken Mgr called me last night, knew he would, i get feelings right before boys call. I guess it is intuition, but i really wish i could sense lottery numbers or something other than so-and-so will call around ten. I asked him if he wanted to go to the zoo…he hesitated and fell over his words.

“th…The zoo?” he croaked. “I was thinking something alittle less odd, like dinner and a movie.”

“but planning dinner with us never works out that well.”

“yeah, i know, thats hwy we should do it.”

“but…ok, fine, we will plan for the zoo and actually do dinner and a movie, i hear troy is coming out this week right?”

here the conversation turns into two kids excited over christmas, or just the upcoming corporate prostitution of my fav book.

I get off the phone and asked my roommates if they knew of a restaurant that didn’t serve alcohol, since apparently the monkeys weren’t good enough for him. “denny’s?” somehow i can’t see him liking denny’s too much, but even if he does, going to denny’s will open doors for future denny excursions and i still haven’t been to Palamenos or Monterrey Bay or Le Mont or Isabellas. I don’t want to do dennys yet. Married people do dennys.

05-09-04

home atlast

last night was the first night in about four that i slept in my own bed, minus an hour and a half nap before i met a few friends at Hi-Tops on Thursday. Today I am working on my resumes, which is exhausting anymore. They are hiring bartenders at the strip club downtown, i am half tempted… and wholy joking. Not that desperate yet. Besides, can you imagine me at a strip club? “I’m sorry sir, i got distract. what did you need?” mmmm, can’t beat dirty females.

I fear drunken mgr has a drinking problem, and i have a guys-with-problems problem. Do i attract guys who have personality disorders or what? I have to sit down with him and talk to him about it. I like him and dont want to have to walk away, but i can’t do a relationship with him if he is always drinking, i like him alot better when he is sober, like in the mornings, which has been the only time he has been. God Damnit! this is so frustrating. Already, just from being with him my alcohol tolerance has increased from one drink to two, and i think its just from kissing him. I have yet to kiss him without it tasting like vodka and cigarettes, and when you walk past a drunk person on the sidewalk or a bar and the smell makes you think of kissing your boyfriend (oh, shit,)…um friend….then you know there might be a problem. There is also a problem when it effects your sexual functions.

The bottom line is i have done this before, with disasterous results. John tried to commit suicide once when he was drunk. Jay was disqustingly drunk and puking on my bathmat, i had to call a friend to drag his neeked ass out of the bathroom. I almost lost a boyfriend AND a bathmat to alcohol. And i did lose my father, i don’t want to do this again.

Went to dinner with my mother friday night, i never have time to visit her anymore, its sad. Celebrated mothers day the day before, she yelled at me. The funny thing was she yelled at me for drinking my corona wrong. I picked up the bottle and took a sip, all hell broke lose. Thats very feminine michelle, i know i raised you better than that. Poor it in a damn glass for christ sake. Sigh. She has always tried to bring me up right, for what i don’t know, to impress the jerks i’ve been dating recently? I have to teach them to open doors for me. Maybe its to impress my employers, but after way too many resumes i am beginning to think that McDonalds really wont care about wether i eat with my elbows on the table or know my art history.

05-06-04

tansitions

Stuck in the middle of a transition period, sooooo sooo itchy. Dear god, plesae send answers soon.

And yesterday at drunken mgr’s…i relaxxxed! yay. but in the end so did he…un-yay.

Can’t stand dealing with people anymore, need a vacation. Straight up beach and ocean vacation, one dreadfully overdue, its been about three years, since spring break freshman year. I almost slapped this female at work today. Rude to me for no reason, (or maybe there is a reason, you know what they say about about those who are dominant in the bedroom… ) she requested a table, i showed her to that exact table then she rudley goes “no.” Fuck you, seriously, seat yourself bitch i quit.

Not finding an apartment that i like.

Stood up for dinner.

venturing out for some trouble… martinis and salad.

05-04-04

starbucks, maybe you should make it a double

“God willing, the day will come when bodies of Americans and Jews will be dragged, humiliated and trampled in the Arabian Peninsula, and with them their tyrants and allies,”

sitting in starbucks today i was reading about the attacks in the oil company that killed five people. Saudi Arabia is alittle to close to Qatar for comfort to me, but at the same time how much of this should i take to heart and how much of this is journalistic spin. I don’t know. What do i want?

Yesterday Mary and i got lost in suburbia hell, every road we turned down was “no outlet” and every house a replica in a mini-martha stewart and prozac fashion. By the time we found our way out I was in hysterics screaming something about a martini and never leaving the city limits again. We winded up finding our way back to civilization through the back parking lot of a Babies-R-Us. Was this what i had to look forward to?

Leslyn and Terry are celebrating their ten year wedding anniversary…in Toldeo. Ten years, they have a wonderful life if you are into that whole suburbia scene, but ten years, wow. Most of the guys i meet I can’t even take for ten minutes, ten months has never happened…ten years?

So here I am with my center rocked again, where am i heading, i realized, despite the fact of being in Pittsburgh for about 4 months now it was time for a change whether i wanted to or not. My lease is up in June. Its time for a new apt, a new job and hopefully some new trouble. Going to look at a splendid place tomorrow in Mt. lebanon again. Working on my resume this weekend, next weekend it is job hunting time again. I don’t think i really want to go to Qatar after all.

05-03-04

breathe

I have all the information submitted for Qatar. There is nothing left to do on my end but wait…and remind myself to breathe.

05-03-04

my computer is dying, omg, somebody help….

:( the screen is all scrunched up in the left side and the top part is showing in the bottom again and i think it is making grr noises everyonce in a while but i can’t be sure. I need to back up the information…but how? oh pooh, all i can think of is alot of geocities accounts, hehehe.

And now i am itchy and migraine medicined out, but the screen really is doing that, i asked my roommate.

05-02-04

and then i must create.

After the heart ache and haunting is gone all i feel is desire, desire to spill sexuality from my fingertips across paper, across acetate, across rolls and rolls of canvas, across pixles, but oddly never across bodies. The need grows along with a migraine, when the migraine wears off the need will be stronger, accompanied by a flood of thoughts, a mind that will not quit working. It always happens this way.

05-02-04

arg.

cleaned the bathroom today, not because of a boy induced cleaning spree, but because of a roommate induced cleaning spree. Apparently its too much to ask 20-somethings to clean up after themselves, they are oblivious and don’t know how to. So on my days off, finally after 2 months of straight working…i finally had time to chisel off the soapscum they left growing on the tub. I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with the situation if they worked or did something productive to consume their time, but nope. They stay home and work on their computers…by work i mean ebay and the sims. Hey, i use to date you guys too :). at least they dont want to have sex with me :)…

Speaking of sex, i’ve decided a month from now this situation wont even matter. Give myself a couple more weeks and walla, i will be the wild bunny i have always been. I refuse to let some little asshole in an alcoholic blackout destroy my life and sex life and sanity. Something that will destroy my sexlife however is one more episode of fullhouse. I can’t put up with this. I need to find a new place. Ick.

Lets see how long it takes them to take the trash out, i refuse to touch it, two bags by the door so far. i’ll keep you updated.

05-02-04

Learning ar-ah-be and trust

sitting at my computer learning arabic, i am sure my roommates think i am nuts. But thats fine, i can give them references to prove it.

Last night i went to dinner with mummay, her and i went to Bar Louies where the food wasn’t anything impressive, nor were the drinks, but the waitstaff… oh yes, the waitstaff. I was in some mood or perhaps i would have enjoyed my conversation with the darling redheaded waiter a bit more, you know me and redheads :), but i just couldn’t pull myself out of the glass cleaning phase, even the long island did nothing to help, it just made me have to pee. So while i was peeng apparently my mummay dearest took it upon herself to slip the waiter my number. Hopefully it made his day, all it did was make me turn red on our way out as the entire male population of the waitstaff met us at the door and wished us well. Sigh…

Towards nine o’clock Mr. A called me. I wanted to cry, i don’t know why, maybe because i was happy i wasn’t rejected for being broken i suppose. He spilt mustard down the back of his pants. “don’t worry,” he told me “they were only banana republics.” Sigh…a tragic way for anything banana republic to die. Death by mustard, it should be a sin. But thankfully it was music to my ears. He really meant it when he said he would call me. For the first time ever “i’ll call you” was literal. It was odd.

So later that night i told mom about me and Mr. A, and the Lake Placid episode and the combination of the Lake Placid episode, Mr. A and me. She told me what i needed to hear…exactly what i knew only coming from someone else. She also told me to do something else, something extremely unappealing to me…talk about it with Mr. A. “He’s an unbiased third party, it might be what you need. Have him take it slow with you.” I broke down here, how do i jump into trusting people like that? I can’t, not anymore, she told me that it was alright, it happens with age. When i was younger and more naive… when i believed in unabridged fairytales i would have called her a pessimist, but ladies and gentlemen, there is a reason why the entire world may be viewed cynical in this area. Because it just happens. So here is the thing, I like Mr. A, enough to give him a first name in my blog, his name is steve. World, i would like to introduce you to steve. Steve….world. So now that the boy has an identity we will see where it goes.

and in the end, i bought a new pair of shoes. Black, classic dancing shoes, complete with straps and heel. yay!

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